She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
