some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
