I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can I color on your dick again?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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