i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
