is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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