Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
