So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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