Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
