Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize