Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
