fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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