That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we should paint friendship bongs
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