I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize