So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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