she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
