whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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