Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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