Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
id be glad to
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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