dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
