you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
