so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
