I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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