**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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