grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
