both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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