I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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