Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
