Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
