if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
