My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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