OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
