My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
