Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize