I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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