he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
