the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
