Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize