Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
