Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize