Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
