you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
