The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
