i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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