wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
