wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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