If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My penis needs a shock collar
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
