I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
