You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
