Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize