Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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