I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
