You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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