Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
