READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
