So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize