Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
