Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
