Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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