So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
