help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
