Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
