VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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