Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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