Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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