Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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