Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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