Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
