Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
