He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we should paint friendship bongs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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