Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
