Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
