I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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