so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
