Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
