Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
