I'm jealous of your bromance
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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