Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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