The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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