you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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