Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she told me i tasted like america
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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