Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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